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Asian dating respect and honour

Posted on by Kanos Posted in Correspondence 1 Comments ⇩

Seeking help for addictions, while praised and encouraged in mainstream American society is seen as a major umbrage to the Asian individual, family, and extended Asian community. Hence many Asians will do everything in their power not to show any negative emotions or feelings for fear of going against the cultural norm of collectivism. It functions to build group harmony and unity. But James also realized the pain caused by his addictions meant he had to do something drastic if he was to get better even if it meant bringing shame upon himself and his family than to suffer in silence. This concept of shame is what undergirds Asian societies, families, and thus individuals. They coexist together to bring harmony, cohesion, and order to Asian countries. When it comes to Asian people, our cultures revolve around some aspect of shame. I can see the challenges Lee faced as he tried to navigate two worlds. In our earlier example, the mother of James Lee was experiencing the shame of knowing her son is struggling with his gambling and sexual behaviors. To preserve the confidentiality of the people described, all the examples are composites. In my clinical example, you can see why someone like Lee would have difficulty sharing about his compulsive and addictive behaviors. This internal shame is very prevalent among Asians and Koreans. The mere acknowledgement of an Asian person having a problem is going against cultural norms because it sends the implicit message to others that you have let them down. Lee tells me he has no one else to turn to for help in dealing with his gambling and sexual addictions pornography and prostitutes. In other words, a traditional Westerner may experience shame as a result of something they did, whereas Asians entrenched in a shame-bound system or culture will experience shame not only individually but also collectively when someone has done something dishonorable. So with guilt, it can help people acknowledge their mistakes and come to a point of reconciliation to repair ruptured relationships whereas shame by contrast is a perverse and distorted belief that the individual is internally flawed, defective, or bad for having certain beliefs, feelings, behaviors, or experiences. He saw getting help as bringing dishonor to his family and not an act of empowerment.

Asian dating respect and honour


This internal shame is very prevalent among Asians and Koreans. When it comes to Asian people, our cultures revolve around some aspect of shame. Without a healthy means for releasing these emotions, many addicts Asians or otherwise will turn to various substances or behaviors to get their emotional needs met. So much so, that Asians will also experience shame in response to something someone close to them has done. In many Asian cultures, mental illness is stigmatizing; it reflects poorly on family lineage and can influence others' beliefs about the suitability of an individual for marriage. Hence many Asians will do everything in their power not to show any negative emotions or feelings for fear of going against the cultural norm of collectivism. He saw getting help as bringing dishonor to his family and not an act of empowerment. If you want to understand Asian addictions, you need to understand the principle of cultural shame and its underlying impact on those from Asian backgrounds. Saving face—the ability to preserve the public appearance of the patient and family for the sake of community propriety—is extremely important to most Asian groups. I can see the challenges Lee faced as he tried to navigate two worlds. Hence, the outward display of emotions is shunned since that would be seen as losing face. Part of the limited attention lies in the age-old Asian custom of secrecy, silence, and shame. Asian cultures, unlike American or Western society, are collectivist by nature. In each case, all names and identifying characteristics are fictitious. Lee tells me he has no one else to turn to for help in dealing with his gambling and sexual addictions pornography and prostitutes. The mere acknowledgement of an Asian person having a problem is going against cultural norms because it sends the implicit message to others that you have let them down. Follow Sam Louie on Twitter https: They coexist together to bring harmony, cohesion, and order to Asian countries. His wife recently discovered his sexual behaviors by finding email correspondence between James and the prostitutes and now insulates herself from him and other family functions. To preserve the confidentiality of the people described, all the examples are composites. Seeking help for addictions, while praised and encouraged in mainstream American society is seen as a major umbrage to the Asian individual, family, and extended Asian community. Asian identities are forged early on in childhood by learning that shame is used to bring about social order and harmony. But James also realized the pain caused by his addictions meant he had to do something drastic if he was to get better even if it meant bringing shame upon himself and his family than to suffer in silence. Implications for Evolutionary Approaches by Daniel Fessler in http: Individualistic cultures, in contrast, emphasize independence and prioritizing personal goals over those of the in-group. In other words, a traditional Westerner may experience shame as a result of something they did, whereas Asians entrenched in a shame-bound system or culture will experience shame not only individually but also collectively when someone has done something dishonorable.

Asian dating respect and honour


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