Meeting someone for a coffee and an hour of chat is fine: If they do, ain't nothing wrong with a straight forward, kind rejection. More frequent use of words such as relationship and helpful. If you are vague, you will be perceived as a jerk if they think you're leading them on. I am not one to ignore emails or messages if someone is nice enough to contact me. It sucks, and it's a little maddening when you're on the other end of it and waiting for someone to reply, but it's a skill one must cultivate. Unless someone is being a jerk, or being aggressive, not responding just seems like the easy-for-me avoidance solution, not the polite solution. Quantitative Marketing and Economics, 8, — For the future, I would put a notation on my profile that says something like: That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'. The next stage is either to sit and wait to be contacted by a potential date, or to look through the site and proactively start sending messages to potential dates yourself. Even though most people in the online dating thing know that no response is fine, I never could do that because y'know, I'd see these people in town and at work
There is really nothing you can do to control how people feel about being told "no. That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'. Even relatively impersonal responses such as simply saying "no, thank you," with no explanation are considered acceptable. By going on a dating website and posting a profile, you ARE soliciting people to contact you if they are interested. You do not owe anyone a date. I'm only going to remember you if you message me back. I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them. Sites such as Match. I don't recommend doing this for women who have met you offline, because A at some point you may meet or make an acquaintance you might like to get to know in that way; B it can come across as dickish. You shouldn't try to fake it and ignore your own feelings in hopes that you will be able to spare someone else from discomfort. If they do, ain't nothing wrong with a straight forward, kind rejection. A month or so later, I disabled my account because having an exceedingly busy life had utterly superseded any desire to date. She'll get the hint. Unlike you, I also teach in the town where I live so sometimes I'd be getting asked out on dates by men whose kids were my students. People, profiles, contacts, and replies in online dating. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78 1 , I've literally never gotten a "thanks, but no thanks" response online, but I definitely have after I've gone on multiple, increasingly awkward dates with people who did not like me at all but were, I guess, trying to be nice? I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved. Some people using online dating sites may not look at their messages that often or may have found someone and left the dating site altogether, even though their profile is still present. Surely, one of the things any online dater would want to know is what type of first contact message is most likely to draw a positive response. The courage to ask is rare and deserves to be nurtured if only for the sake of the next guy who might appreciate the message. I'm a male in my late 30s and have always had a lot of female friends. Thought it would be fun to write back just for the heck of it. What makes you click? I am known for joking around a lot, making people laugh and complimenting them. For those who have emailed you thus far, I would respond briefly with one of the excellent suggestions above. Do not ignore people simply because you feel they are of no use to you.
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