Weigh in at grouptherapy globeandmail. Do you have an answer to this question, or your own dilemma? Follow The story must be told. She keeps telling me she will stop, but doesn't. Recently my guy friend expressed interest in being in a relationship with me. Write to Carolyn Hax , Style, 15th St. But not in this case. Personally, I would say forget it. What is the etiquette for telling the girl who, by the way, is living with a new boyfriend? Part of me wants to shut her out of my life, but if I did that I would lose my nephew. Wendi Galczik, Ladysmith, B. You don't want to lose two friends just to have a possible relationship with one. But mine says go for it.
Your girlfriend is living with another guy and you think you have a future with her cast-off boyfriend? Lynn Coady is the award-winning author of the novels Strange Heaven and Mean Boy, with another one currently in the oven. Story continues below advertisement I guess we all have our own personal Girl Codes of Ethics, and I'm assuming Wendi's involves a lot of hand-washing and meticulous covering of public toilet seats with paper. How do I break the news to my friend that I have been seeing her recent ex-boyfriend? But I suspect you fear drama. It's now five years later and I am still friends with both. Making a big deal out of telling her sets the new relationship up as something that deserves a big reaction. If there were, it would consist of rules such as "Do not make mention of feminine sanitary products while your brothers are eating for the sheer sadistic joy of it" or "Recognize that your father's 'stepped on a duck' joke will not be greeted with the same degree of merriment coming from you as it did from him. In the three years I was in the relationship neither of them liked each other and were constantly telling me how much they disliked one another. But wait, cautions Wendi. Am I being selfish for not wanting my sister to spend time with him, or am I in the right? But I decided to go for it. Don't lose two friends Weigh your options carefully. Not just because I feel there are no rules out there that apply to me when it comes to my Rambo-like, target-acquired approach to courtship. Do you have an answer to this question, or your own dilemma? Carolyn Hax Carolyn Hax started her advice column in , after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. What is the etiquette for telling the girl who, by the way, is living with a new boyfriend? Six months ago, I got out of a relationship because he was emotionally abusive to me. Without the details, I can only guess at that magic quantity. However, most in her position need only the fact of your dating. Write to Carolyn Hax , Style, 15th St. I wanted you to hear it from me first. Your friend has relinquished any emotional claim she might have had on this guy five years ago. But not in this case. But mostly because everyone involved is an adult capable of understanding that human beings are not cattle-no matter how scarred you might end up from the prodding of a former romantic partner's branding iron, those marks don't make you theirs for life. Story continues below advertisement The Last Word I want you to know that I have spent several hours now scanning the back issues of Tiger Beat magazine, and as far as I can determine there has never been a standardized "Girl Code of Ethics" that experts have been able to agree upon.
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