After all, dating is mating. I didn't like the lack of emotion that was fostered through staring at my screen for hours, and I didn't like that I felt bad day after day about not finding what I had been searching for. I tried everything from tindr, to Jswipe, to grindr, to every other word that is missing an "e" in it. Maybe it was the guys I was swiping right to, the app I was choosing to facilitate or any other number of reasons, but it seemed like most of these men didn't actually want a relationship. I made lots of matches, talked to lots of "interesting" men and even went on a fair number of first dates. Forget about the buffer, forget about your pride, forget about everything because when you see someone in real life, and they give you butterflies, you need to honor that feeling and fly with them. This is why after 6 first dates in 5 days, I not once found myself wanting a second date. I grew vehemently disenfranchised after connecting with women whose profiles really struck a chord and tragically not feeling any spark upon meeting. If by some crazy force of nature you guys do set a date and meet, chances are he is not who he claimed to be, or who you built him up to be. I want to preface that for everything I say, I know there are a ton of people who will disagree, and have the relationships to prove it, but as I ventured into and out of the virtual dating sphere I found out a lot about myself. Finding inner peace shows, and will create peace in all other aspects of your life. Sometimes you just don't know you're best angles, and sometimes you do, which is why I always say buyer beware when it comes to what you think you're getting online. But for most single people I know life is pretty good. It's really easy to think that when you find someone a lot of your issues will just subside or disappear, but the truth is until you start to work on you, you'll never be happy, coupled up or single.
I put only the best pictures of myself out there, but not what I look like when I wake up in the morning. There are rules, directions and even moments asking if you'd like to chat, or "keep playing. You create an ideal, and all of a sudden every little nuance becomes a bigger complexity to who that person is, and how they operate. Frankly, you need to be doing the opposite. Dating isn't a game, there shouldn't be rules, and the longer you stay a player the longer you just get stuck playing a video game. Michigan State University found that married couples who met online are three times more likely to divorce than those who met face to face. Yes, you might get rejected, but that's ok! I Became Way More Shallow Sure, whether it's real life or virtual reality, the first thing you notice is how someone looks, but in a real life, you quickly see how someone acts, moves, sounds, etc. Today in Britain one in five heterosexual couples met online and a whopping 70 per cent of homosexual couples found their partner via the web. The stigma of first dates never helped and likely diffused great opportunities that might have worked out had we met through friends or on other terms. But how does this translate into dating? You literally became a resume that I could toss into the trash pile without any real thought, or feeling, which isn't how finding our potential partner should work. However, the problem arises when you finally do get excited, but continue to keep swiping because why not? Dating advice Dating in the 21st century is pretty bleak. You can't help, but think, "Damn, where have you been all my life? To put it another way, meeting someone we fancy sparks a whole cascade of biological triggers. Winning meant different things to different people, but it never felt like there was two winners at the end of it all, and in my opinion, there is no point in taking part in anything where you don't have two winners. I don't think this is necessarily true for everyone facilitating these tools, but I do think it's way more common than many people realize. Looking great on paper can therefore do you both a disservice. Life just isn't as exciting as you want it to be, and the thought that maybe just around the next swipe is the person you've been searching for all along is exciting. I Wasn't Honoring My Truth Going off the idea that these things are a game with rules, I quickly found myself changing who I was to best "win" at the game. These other important attributes are what creates someone individuality, and takes them from being just anyone to uniquely them. The whole dating online machine churns out social detritus as you hug goodbye for the first and last time tons of awesome humans. Look up, look around you, look all over. After being off all dating apps for about a year, I can honestly say I am more at peace with my life, my love life and myself.
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